Whether you dive into the sticky snowbank of the holiday season or plug your ears, hold your nose and ignore it, there’s no escaping the music of Christmas. Face it: it’s oozing out of every store, coffee shop and sewer grate in Toronto. There aren’t any soundproof earmuffs on the market yet, so why not loosen up that scarf and let the music in?

Here’s a list of essential holiday albums I love that might just make the season a little more bearable. Musically, that is.




RuPaul - Ho Ho Ho
Shocked that RuPaul has a Christmas album? Me too. This record covers country, gospel, (mostly) disco and the story of RuPaul the red-nosed reindeer. You can imagine the shit this diva asks for during “All I Want for Christmas.” Worth every Scroogey penny.








Justin Bieber - Under the Mistletoe
Bieber’s Christmas album will forever be known as that album between prepubescent Biebs and deeper-voiced Biebs. This smooth R&B effort is a unique glimpse into pop-star puberty, and who better to help usher in manhood than Mariah? His duet on “All I Want for Christmas Is You” is a future Auto-Tuned classic. The Busta Rhyme’s assisted “Drummer Boy” features a rapping Bieber and the danciest holiday beat since Destiny’s Child’s “8 Days of Christmas.” This one might make you wish the Grinch did steal Christmas.
















She & Him - A Very She & Him Christmas
Best new Christmas album of the year, hands down. The achingly adorable Zooey Deschanel and M Ward take on the classics, and the results are something between Charlie Brown, Nancy Sinatra and that so-ugly-it’s-cute crocheted Santa wall-piece Grandma made 15 years ago. Folk-pop roasting on an open fire.












Squirrel Nut Zippers - Christmas Caravan
This is one of my favourite Christmas albums of all time and an under-rated gem. You might remember these cats from way back when ’50s swing music was in for a few minutes, but don’t be put off: this record is timeless and consists mostly of charming originals.  










Boney M - Christmas with Boney M
The best disco/reggae Christmas album in history. “Mary’s Boy Child”? “Feliz Navidad?” A “Christmas Medley” that includes a German version of “Silent Night”? It’s a trip around the planet on a glittery sleigh with eight golden reindeer and a sack full of hunky elves. 











Lady Gaga - A Very Gaga Holiday
A quickie EP from Mother Monster sees her in full jazz crooner mode with her hilarious take on “White Christmas,” Nat King Cole’s “Orange Colored Sky” and dramatic piano spins on a couple of her own not-so-festive hits.










Ginette Reno - Joyeux Noel
Ginette Reno was kind of like Quebec’s Adele back in the ’60s and ’70s, which makes her Christmas album a must. Shake things up with these traditional French holiday numbers.













Scott Weiland - The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
What the hell happened here? The former Stone Temple Piloteer has released a collection of Christmas classics and it’s actually lovely. Along with an orchestra and his best Gene Kelly impression, Weiland utterly pulls it off.










Saint Etienne - A Glimpse of Stocking
A mixed bag of icy electro-Euro-pop and creepy folk, UK alt-poppers Saint Etienne’s holiday record is meant for partying. “No Cure for the Common Christmas” is notable.





Give good mixtapes

Looking for a gift for the musical man (or men) in your life? Here are a few ideas that will hit the right note (sorry, had to use that one).

Give the world

If your abominable snowman can’t get enough of what’s new in music and always has his big fingers on the zeitgeist pulse, then TuneIn Radio might be a fun idea. This app for your smartphone or computer lets you listen to more than 50,000 radio stations from around the planet, and it makes it easy to find the country and type of station you want. Need what’s hot in Paris right now? No problem. Need to host the hippest dinner party of your life? Tune in to London’s Monocle station and impress all your gays. At 99 cents it might be the cheapest and smartest gift you’ll give.

Give live

Give your man something that will come to life this season. I’m not talking battery-powered good times — I’m talking the magic of live music. The Toronto Symphony Orchestra is hosting a number of holiday shows; grab him a gift certificate to an upcoming performance, get cozy in a cushy seat and listen to all those G-strings. The National Ballet of Canada’s The Nutcracker is a T-dot tradition, and after watching all those men in tights, you’ll find your stockings hung by the chimney — also on the floor, over the couch and in the hall.

tso.ca, national.ballet.ca

Give your heart

Even in the year 2011, there is still nothing as personal as a well-thought-out mixtape or CD. The time and love that goes into a mixtape is unmatchable, and the mix can reveal your heart and soul via songs and lyrics. There are endless rules to perfecting this craft, but here are a few solid pieces of advice for creating the ultimate mixtape for your lovah.

Because it’s the season of giving (and receiving), make sure you create the perfect DIY case for your disc or tape. Go to a dollar store or art supply store and get some glitter. With a bit of glue, old magazines and some good-ass markers — including some Sharpies for writing on the tape or CD itself — the cover art can say almost as much as the songs within.

Decide what message you want to deliver with the collection. Is it love? Is it a party? A seduction? Don’t underestimate the power of a theme.

Be sure to include at least one ballad. This is essential and sexy, and by no means can this ballad be by Adele.

1. When choosing the songs, pick as many as you like and then narrow them down to fit your format. Your mix should go through a few drafts.

2. In High Fidelity, John Cusack emphasizes the importance of the first song: “You’ve got to kick off with a corker to hold the attention, and then you’ve got to up it a notch or cool it a notch.” If you start with a Gaga number, don’t you dare follow that with Beyoncé or the giftee’s speakers will call it a day.

3. Have fun. Remember: this gift is more than a pre-drinking dance mix. It’s a statement but should never get too serious. Say what you want to say with songs you love, but if you have some heavy things to discuss, that might be better handled in person over a cauldron of eggnog and rum.

tunes@fabmagazine.com
Twitter: @philville