Fabulous predictions

How many queens does it take to make a prediction? According to local psychic and event organizer Ralph Hamelmann, it takes only the four in his tarot deck and all their fabulous friends. Ralph and his cohort of carefully selected clairvoyants offer psychic brunches two Sundays a month at Cabbagetown’s Flying Beaver Pubaret or Koreatown’s Clinton’s, where brunchers can get affordable tarot readings.

“I wanted to create a means for people to come out and get readings in a more social setting,” says Hamelmann, who wears several other hats, including promoter for the Queer Idol talent competition at Goodhandy’s every second Friday of the month. “People come out, have brunch and talk about their readings. It’s lots of fun.”

So what does a card reading entail? “Frankly, a good psychic reading should tell you what you already know,” Hamelmann explains. “In an ideal world, psychics would be obsolete because people would learn to trust themselves. We already hold all the answers. But when we hear it from another person, we really believe it.”

As the new year quickly approaches, gays are curious about the directions their love lives and finances will be taking. Unfortunately, Hamelmann can’t ethically tell fab readers about their individual sex lives or careers unless they come to see him. But he did bring out some positive cosmic advice (which shall remain private) for this fab writer and was able to pull some cards and look ahead for some of the institutions, people and issues that will matter to Toronto gays in 2012.

Pride Toronto
“This is a mixed can of worms. We have a Star card, which means there’s hope and optimism, but then the Tower card, which is an abrupt change, and the Knight of Pentacles, which is slow and methodical. So there’s an abrupt change coming to Pride Toronto. I don’t know if it’s good or bad, but it’s not surprising when you consider the year that they just had and all the change that they’ve gone through. Let’s ask the cards how the new executive director, Kevin Beaulieu, is going to work out.

“He is going to be more tuned in to the needs of the community. He’s going to be innovative. He’s going to be a shaker and a mover, and the abrupt changes are going to be things he creates himself. I think he has good instincts, and I think he’ll do a good job. The one thing I would recommend is that he maybe does not do the changes as abruptly as he wants to. He has a mandate from the community to do that, so I can understand that he might want to start shaking things up, but to make things easier for himself, he might want to take it slow.”

GSAs in Catholic schools
“The Emperor card means authority; he’s that kind of authoritarian fascist prick — just like Roman Catholic school boards. They’re not going down without a fight. I feel like the GSAs are going to be so whitewashed [they’ll] be called diversity clubs or something with no emphasis on queer issues. But the Knight of Swords here is rushing — it’s action. That means the community is not going to give up on this. But the boards are part of a big institution and are not going to go down easy.”

Rob Ford
“There’s that Devil card! I have a feeling that Rob Ford is actually going through a rough period. I think he’s a lot more sensitive than the public knows, and all the harsh criticism he’s getting he’s taking to heart. It’s wearing him down, so keep at it! He’s not letting on about it, but it’s definitely bothering him. He’s a sensitive soul. Who would have thought that?”

Glad Day Bookshop
“There will definitely be struggles for them in 2012. The truth is, they’re never going to be a prosperous company. They should be. They deserve it. They’re an amazing institution and the community loves them. We’re not going to let them go anywhere. But it’s almost like they’ll get to the brink of closing and the community is going to rush in and buy a bunch of books as always.”

Pitbull/The bear scene
“I love the bear scene and what they stand for. Let’s see what’s going on with them. As far as the Pitbull parties, I feel that there’s going to be movement happening. There’s going to be a change, and it’s going to give them a lot of success. That’s what this Sun card means. Of course, the best part is that most guys become bears by a certain age anyway, so it’s not hard to expand.”

Mandy Goodhandy
“This is a year that we’re going to see more of the entertainer side of Mandy Goodhandy. She does have a diploma of musical theatre, and I have a feeling that a lot of her focus has been put on running a very successful business. But I am seeing her more as a performer, which is really exciting. I think the community needs to prepare themselves for a lot of cheekiness, because I see Mandy and her feather boas out in the spotlight.”

HIV/AIDS
For this one, Hamelmann asks Sheila, a fellow brunch psychic who is also a nurse, to pull some cards and see what she finds. “There is going to be some new treatment,” she says. “There has been some sort of holding back or political nonsense going on with whatever it is. Or initially it’s not being released properly to the public or to doctors, but in 2012 or 2013, it’s going to be. I feel it’s going to be more of an alteration to the virus or a way of getting it to turn on itself so it implodes, maybe a self-destruct mechanism.”

Hamelmann agrees: “I see that the result is that people with HIV will have more energy and be more vibrant. I feel the energy fields going up.”

2012 apocalypse?
“The world is not going to end. But there is a shift. We’re going into a new paradigm. There’s becoming a stronger polarity between the wealthy and the poor, and it’s getting stronger and stronger. My feeling is that as we head past 2012 into future years, there’s going to be a movement underfoot to head towards something like a new world order, one giant economy. But on the other side of that is a raised consciousness among the middle class and the working class.

“And I don’t think it stops at corporate greed; I think it applies to any kind of oppression. For instance, this is the first time the issue of bullying has hit people’s consciousness this way, and people are really looking at it. So any kind of oppression, whether it’s a teenager at school or the big boss, is heading towards an interesting moment.”

Queer Idol
“Sure, I have a hidden agenda, but let’s just ask anyway. This Death card represents change, and we’ve changed formats this year to include dancers, comedians, all that, so that’s represented. With the Hermit card, it tells me that it’s going to be a challenge to reach the new disciplines because there are a lot of artists who are not out there in the community, so it’s hard to reach them to say, “Be a part of this.” And this Page of Pentacles talks about all the professional development we’ll be doing, our workshops and classes. Queer Idol is more than a contest; it’s a community. So I think the problem this year is getting enough talent. We’ve got the singers down, but it’s the other people we’re looking for.”

fab magazine
“In 2012 I do see a new slant for fab. Ace cards always represent a new beginning, and Swords are communication, so there might be a new kind of communication. It might be a feature that is off the beaten path, but I almost feel like it’s going to become more of a lifestyle magazine. It’s sort of a club magazine now, but I could see fab becoming more of a lifestyle magazine for gay men, which includes clubs but has other things.”

psychicbrunch.ca, queeridol.ca

Jonathan Valelly is a writer who dabbles in the dark arts and is aiming for a brighter future.