Twinks don’t want to smell like rain

In their matching blue jeans and velvet jackets, 23-year-olds Skylar and Embrun Rocket make an adorable twink couple, but they may not be the best people to test out Nivea’s Aftershave Balm for Men. For one thing, neither boy looks old enough to shave. Also, they’re biologically not boys.

Skylar and Em met two years ago at a drag king show and are now producing Genderfukt!, a recurring queer performance night that Skylar describes as “primarily drag kings, but all variations. It’ll be theatrical, political… acting out a piece rather than just lip-synching.” Unlike your average drag show, Skylar says, “there’ll be a lot more parody of gender, gender-fucking and the odd burlesque.” While Em worked on queer digital video projects, Skylar’s early drag performances included being part of a group posing as Linkin Park and becoming “a flamboyant boy dressing up” to “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.”

Boys who are girls who like girls to be boys are clearly not the target market for Nivea’s stolid Skin Care for Men line. The company insists that such strictly gendered products are necessary for men’s “thicker, more oily skin,” but one expects that genderfucking Skylar and Em may disagree on philosophical grounds.

“It smells so good!” Em says, delighted. But isn’t the aftershave’s total manliness annoying? “I think it’s great,” Em says. “More products for me! Just because it says ‘men’ doesn’t mean I won’t try it.” Besides, he says, “It reminds me of my grandpa – it’s comforting.” Skylar is a touch more skeptical of the balm’s musky scent. “Guys’ stuff always has to smell like a forest or…car oil,” he scoffs, “Girls have to smell like fruit and flowers!” Em nods and says, “I don’t want to smell like rain!”

Musk it is, then. Skylar tries the balm after shaving his leg (with its thinner, less oily skin, says Nivea). “It does smell good,” he says, wincing a little, “It kind of tingles. It’s zingy but it’s good. It’s smooth like a lotion.” Em tries it out in the same way and agrees, “It burns a little but I like it.”

It’s not the product that these two have issues with, but the attitudes surrounding it. “In the U of T frosh kits,” Skylar mentions, “the men had Axe and the women had pink face wipes. What if girls want deodorant? What if guys want to wipe their faces?” Em laughs at the marketing: “This is aimed at pretty boys with girlfriends who tell them what to do – ‘Honey, you should use this.’ ‘OK.’” Skylar wonders how things could change. “Do mainstream corporations even want to cater to people who don’t conform to [traditional] gender?” he wonders. “I mean, what would Nivea for Dykes be like? Probably blue, but would smell like flowers.”

The next Genderfukt! takes place Apr. 7 at Hacienda, 794 Bathurst St. at Bloor. Watch the fab Listings for more info.

scott dagostino