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Ryan Kerr
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Age of Aqueerius

Your biweekly horoscopes, from the mystical mind of Ryan Kerr

05.10.2013

Taurus
 
May the 4th be with you! (And beyond...) Yoda may not have had a lisp, but he was a bit  of  unique little monster. Thankfully, he’d done some heavy emotional work and didn’t let his alien differences stifle his wise perspective! You shouldn’t either!
 
Gemini
 
Treat yourself to something you really want this week. As long as it’s consensual.
 
Cancer
 
I got into an argument recently about mind-reading. While I may be a guru with the stars, predicting someone else’s needs isn’t my strongest suit. Help a ‘mo out: ask for what you need.
 
Leo
 
You’re freaking intense. There, I said it.
 
Virgo
 
You just did some crazy shiz: you stood up for yourself in a moment of great pressure. And it feels good. DO IT AGAIN OR ELSE!!!!!
 
Libra
 
Telling you to “let it all hang out” maybe be redundant (especially for you TNT members out there) but maybe there’s still a snag to undoing the girdle? Is there a side of you that stays tightly wound when the rest of you jiggles free?
 
Scorpio
 
Nothing worse than going to message someone on a hookup site only to see that their inbox is full and you have to pay to send the a message. Seriously, NOTHING IS WORSE.
 
Sagittarius
 
Last night I tried a new twist on an old favourite: riding my bike with a helmet! It was great. I should try new things more often!
 
Capricorn
 
My puppy, Rachel, turns in circles before she decides where she wants to lay down. But once she does, she throws herself into place. Enough waffling back and forth. Throw yourself into it already!
 
Aquarius
 
I was hanging out in a hippie crystal store recently, and after adjusting to the serene scents of sandalwood and patchouli I realized that my inner buddha has been aching for some stillness. Drink caffeine-free coke for a while.
 
Pisces
 
Go to bed earlier! You wanna look old faster?
 
Aries
 
I JUST got a hand-me-down iron. I’m thirty. Don’t be like me, Aries.
 

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