Revealing Interiors
Gay men are known for their high sex drives and good, or sometimes florid, tastes in home décor. When it comes to internet personal ads the two can collide as Drew Rowsome discovers in these lurid digs.

The male form in its naked glory is almost always an arousing thing of beauty, a person’s home not always. Ironic accents of leopard prints, adorable stuffed toys, tawdry tchotchkes or war memorabilia can be kitschy or amusing but one bad accent too many is anti-aphrodisiacal. Is the thought of a randy romp while being watched by shelves of Disney collectibles or a weapon collection appealing or terrifying? Sometimes a questionable home décor choice can ruin your chances for good sex.

Jack Mauro, author of M4M: The Gay Man’s Guide To Finding Love Online, offers practical advice on posting photos online. “The person looking over your profile is interested in one thing, and one thing only: what you look like.” That assessment seems accurate after browsing hundreds of photos on a handful of sites. Most photos seem to fall into one of three categories: closeups of physical assets such as penises, asses or abs; face and body shots set mainly outdoors or in a neutral setting; and photos taken in a mirror (usually a bathroom mirror) with the camera and flash obscuring facial features. The exception to these rules is leather-centric Recon.com on which the profiled are eager to display their dungeons and playrooms.

All sites have terms and conditions for uploading photos. Manhunt.net refuses bodily function fetishes and insists that “pictures showing anal insertion must be private” and not available to the casual browser. Squirt.org has serious concerns about photos including other people, specifically women. Squirt’s policy states that “if a woman is present among photos, there must also be at least one man represented.” The most freewheeling seems to be Men4sexnow.com that is only concerned, as are all the other sites cited, with fraudulent photos, illegal activities and photos that include traceable information. None of them have any artistic suggestions or warnings that décor disasters may limit the pool of potential partners.

This works to the advantage of David K, the publisher of gay porn site Nightcharm.com and its portal site Luriddigs.com. He contends that an environment, however wacky or wanton, gives context and reveals more about a person than mere nudity ever could. Luriddigs.com showcases personal ad photographs wherein nude men flaunt their assets while a panel of selfproclaimed design experts comment on the décor that surrounds the main event. Who knew that gay men would let their appalling taste in home furnishings upstage their dicks?

“I went into porn overload three years ago,” explains K. “I’m so over porn and now just oversee Nightcharm. I can’t possibly write one more article about foreskin.” But one aspect of the porn experience still held K’s interest. “When Nightcharm started 10 years ago we had a section called ‘Metaphor of Porn’ which had an analysis of porn shots that were sent in,” says K. “The symbolic language of photos and the subliminal messages were a more interesting way for me to view porn. I’m more psychologically oriented. The subterfuge, the subliminal, I want to understand what is going on underneath.”

Luriddigs.com was inspired by a photo circulated on the internet of a woman who photographed her naked glory in the bathroom mirror. “With a toilet in the background, with a big turd floating in it,” laughs K. The woman with the reflected fecal matter became the inspiration for K’s showcase of naked gay men amidst their design disasters.

“I love every one of these guys,” insists K. “I’m really touched by them. I was such a nudist as a child. My mom was constantly struggling to keep me clothed. She’d turn around at the supermarket and there’d just be a pile of clothes on the floor. It brings back memories, people nude in their homes. In these days when porn beams it out with perfect abs and everything, to take a shot of yourself with a gut or whatever, I’ve got to celebrate that. But these guys are obviously not tuned into their backgrounds, you have to realize that people viewing your photo are also viewing your cat litter box.”

The backgrounds are fair game for the barbs flung by the caustic design experts, and the viewers who leave interactive comments, but criticism of the nude men is not allowed. K cites the book Obscene Interiors which uses a similar format except that hets are included and the naked bodies are blocked out. “It’s weird,” muses K. “The best part is taken out. Let these people in their full glory be experienced as a complement to the room. Who lives here? Celebrate them. Don’t attack the person in the room.”

K freely admits that his only qualification as a home design critic is that, “I was born a precocious queen. As a child I was obsessed with how our house looked, especially my own room. I used to save my allowance for key components, a vase or something. I just had a knack for arranging things. I suspect being a graphic designer is an offshoot of that.” No wonder the sight of a naked man face down and spread-eagled on a table from “Target’s Stickleigh collection” with what appears to be a bubble gum machine sprouting from his ass, causes K hilarity and horror.

“Only four or five men have written and complained about being on the site,” says K. “We take the photo down right away. One guy with a gorgeous ass got upset about people making fun of his room and one very hot daddy type wrote that people were threatening his life on the site: I had commented on how hot he was, that I would ‘hit on him like a Coke machine that had taken my last 50 cents.’ I was flipping out about how gorgeous another guy was and he turned out to be a meth addict cleaning up and he was so proud, it touched my heart, so golden.”

Luriddigs.com gets 50 submissions a week of photos that might qualify to be featured. Even K thinks that is a lot of men exposing their bits and bad taste with reckless abandon. “These guys must realize they’re putting their stuff online,” notes K. “It’s very cavalier. I would never do that, I worry about Facebook.” Despite posting a photo of a full erection joining a line-up of cutesy cloth dolls, there is a line that K will not cross. “The one I couldn’t run,” he explains, “was a guy sitting with a full-on boner and in the background was a little baby, nine months old, cooing in a bundle on the couch.”

Even those gay men who despise the fine art of interior design might want to think twice before snapping their next internet bait jpeg. Does K have any advice on how to avoid being ridiculed for bad choices of wallpaper or furniture? What décor enhances a naked male body best? “I have no advice,” says a mercenary K. “We need to keep the submissions coming.”

Drew Rowsome is an associate editor at fab who contemplates putting his lava lamps, musical Jesus mirror and Magic Earring Ken into storage whenever a camera enters his bedroom.