Avenue Q is a ramshackle, but extremely musical, row of apartments somewhere in the bowels of New York. It is inhabited by a colourful collection of humans, monsters and puppeteers all of whom are striving to find a purpose in life. Two of the inhabitants with the most appeal to fab readers are Rod and Lucy the Slut.

Rod shares an abode with his roommate Nicky. Nicky suspects that Rod has a secret but Rod is adamant about his heterosexuality and often brings up the subject of his mysterious long distance girlfriend. Lucy the Slut happily shares her bed with whomever catches her eye.

Drew Rowsome and Matt Thomas were lucky enough to catch Rod between trips to Vancouver and Lucy the Slut between beds to get them to answer a few questions.




ROD

fab: How did you meet your girlfriend Alberta who lives in Vancouver?

Rod: I met her online in a chat room called “Investment Spanking.”

fab: What are the advantages of dating a Canadian?

Rod: She sends me all the prescription drugs I need for my seasonal allergies.

fab: You implied that Alberta is insatiable (“sucks like Hoover” was the phrase). Why not have a fling with Lucy the Slut to compare?

Rod: There is no comparison. Once you’ve tried Canadian bacon no other meat tastes as good. Not to imply I like meat. I don’t... at all. You might say I am a vegetarian.

fab: You’re a Broadway enthusiast. What shows are your favourites?

Rod: Funny Girl, Funny Lady (in that order).

fab: Xanadu or Legally Blonde?

Rod: Uggh... I’ll take what’s behind curtain number three.

fab: What is your health regime? Is your flawless complexion hard to maintain?

Rod: I do a slight exfoliation nightly. Just to clean the pores. People of my light blue complexion tend to break out. Instead of redness like most, I then have to deal with purple heads.

fab: What’s your idea of the perfect romantic date?

Rod: A trip to the theatre to see the Equus revival then straight home to feast on some wine and cheese, and to discuss Harry Potter’s wand.

fab: What do you think of the persistent gay rumours about Tom Cruise?

Rod: Honey, they aren’t rumours.

fab: How do you entertain your girlfriend from Canada when you and your roommate Nicky share such a small space?

Rod: I either visit her, or we get a hotel. Nicky has never met her, no one has. She’s my little secret. Or rather, my two gigantic natural secrets!

fab: Which of Nicky’s habits do you find the most annoying? The most delightful?

Rod: He leaves his clothes out and puts his feet on my chair. He also drools on his pillow, but there is something endearing about it. It’s like a little kid. Not that I watch him sleep or anything.

fab: What are your thoughts on the gay marriage craze in California?

Rod: I loved watching John McCain talk about it on the Ellen show! Uncomfortable! Party of two!

fab: Would you contribute to the Log Cabin Republicans?

Rod: No, but I would contribute to the Mr. Butterworth Republicans. Log Cabin is a bit rich for me.

fab: Do you have any sites bookmarked on your computer that you wouldn’t want Nicky to see?

Rod: Nope. I have nothing to hide. Why? Has he been looking? I always delete the web history every night. You don’t think he’s looking now do you? Shit.

fab: What’s the best part about living on Avenue Q? The worst?

Rod: The best part is the people. I’m really bonding with Christmas Eve. She’s a therapist from Japan. The worst is the neighbourhood. It takes 45 minutes to get to my office in midtown. And that’s on a good day.

fab: What’s your idea of the perfect gentlemen?

Rod: Dude, I don’t know.... I’m into chicks.

fab: What do you think of your superintendent Gary Coleman?

Rod: He’s the best! He understands hard times, so if we’re gonna be late with the rent, he’s cool with it.

fab: What are your thoughts on Matt Damon being named the sexiest man alive by People Magazine? Who would you nominate?

Rod: Matt Damon? What a joke! Now Christian Bale… in that bat suit… OMG.

fab: If you had a gay friend what would you do if he came out to you?

Rod: Came out of what?

fab: If you could be any woman for one day, who would you be and why?

Rod: Judi Dench, preferably on the day she wore that Queen Elizabeth outfit in Shakespeare in Love.

fab: In Canada we’re still living in the shadow of the monarchy, who’s your favourite member of the Royal family?

Rod: I am an American Republican, I don’t know much about other countries. Does Helen Mirren count?

fab: What’s you favourite summer guilty pleasure?

Rod: Cosmos and Turner Classic Movies.

fab: Hot dogs or tacos? Skydome or the CN Tower? Hoover Dam or Washington monument?

Rod: Hot Dogs, CN Tower and the Washington Monument. That question seemed a little out of left field. What on Earth could you be getting at?

LUCY THE SLUT

fab: What tips can you give our readers on seducing men?

Lucy: Pretend you care about their boring lives, just long enough to seal the deal. Also let them know you have piercings in fun places.

fab: How slutty is too slutty?

Lucy: Well, I have very high standards. He’s gotta be hot and he’s gotta worship me.

fab: If someone is trying to steal your man from you what should you do?

Lucy: Depends, if the thrill of the chase is over she can have ‘em. If not it could get ugly. I’m not afraid to use my claws.

fab: You seem to be very friendly. Have you ever been friendly with anyone famous?

Lucy: I’m like the sidewalk outside of the Chinese Theatre in Hollywood. Celebrities just wanna put their hands on me.

fab: What’s the best part about being a shameless bitch?

Lucy: It’s easy to be happy when the only person you need to please is yourself.

fab: Any tips for young drag queens attempting to give tribute to your stellar look?

Lucy: Two words: plastic surgery. My dimensions aren’t found in nature.

fab: What was your favourite among your appearances in the Girls Gone Wild series?

Lucy: I would like to say there’s nothing like the first time, but I really don’t remember it. I only found out I was on it from seeing a commercial late at night.

fab: Having performed in Amsterdam, Bangkok and Celebration, Florida, which was your favourite?

Lucy: Bangkok. Come on, the name really says it all.

fab: What is your health and beauty regime? Is your flawless complexion hard to maintain?

Lucy: I use a very high-grade wear and rub proof makeup along with a very strong eyelash glue. Even though I like to slip out before he wakes up in the morning, I still wanna look hot during the “walk of shame.” Or as I call it, a “victory lap.”

fab: What do you find are the sexiest qualities in a man?

Lucy: I love nothing more than seeing a guy notice me for the first time. The very moment where all intellect goes out the door, and he goes after what he wants. And then he takes out his wallet, and uses it to buy me whatever he thinks will make me care about him. Oh god, that gets me hot.

fab: You seem like a liberal gal. Ever had a girl-on-girl experience?

Lucy: Yeah, but usually just to get the boys riled up. Girls are too emotional.

fab: Where’s the craziest place you’ve ever done it?

Lucy: In a MRI. You should have seen those test results!

fab: What songs would you want Princeton to put on a mix tape for you?

Lucy: Who cares? If music’s playing I’m either singing, dancing or fucking.



Avenue Q runs July 29-Aug. 31 at the Elgin Theatre, 189 Yonge St. Info at www.dancaptickets.com

All Avenue Q photos courtesy of Dancap Productions.

Drew Rowsome and Matt Thomas are the editors of fab and are still arguing over who is the closest in personality to Lucy the Slut.