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Beyond Gay? Hardly
A heated takedown of The Grid's offensive new cover story
06.09.2011
I was curious to see what The Grid's take on urban sexuality would be, so I picked up the newest issue, with a cover story called "Beyond Gay." Noticing that David Pike, one of fab's photographers, was featured as part of the cover imagery made it even more intriguing. As I read the piece, I became increasingly disturbed by writer Paul Aguirre-Livingston's hypocritical, self-hating, narcissistic take on what it means, apparently, to be 20-something and gay in Toronto.
Here are some choice quotes from the article and my thoughts on how misinformed, misguided and dangerous this article is:
"... a new generation of twentysomething urban gays—my generation—has the freedom to live exactly the way we want. We have our university degrees, homes and careers. In Toronto, we’ve abandoned the Church Wellesley Village. We’re tattooed and pierced and at the helm of billion-dollar industries like fashion and television. We vacation with our boyfriends in fabulously rustic country homes that belong to our parents, who don’t mind us coming to stay as a couple. Hell, we even marry our boyfriends, if we choose to, on rooftops overlooking Queen West."
Considering how busy places like Buddies, Woody's, fly and O'Grady's are on any warm summer night, the generalization about the abandoned Village is totally untrue. And gay men have a long tradition of getting pierced and tattooed; this is not a new trend. Many of tattoo culture's figureheads and pioneers were gay, and the rough trade/clone look that hipsters seem to have co-opted is not their own creation. It's specifically and explicitly gay.
Also, there are massive class issues in the above statement. I'm so glad you can go cottaging with your parents. I know some homeless gay youth you should invite along next time, who might enjoy a family trip where they don't get the shit beat out of them.
"Post-mos don’t hang rainbow flags in their windows or plaster them on their bumpers. We don’t march in Pride and we probably never will. (After-parties only, please.) We don’t torture ourselves to fit in with other gays."
Awesome: you don't like rainbows. Wow, revelatory. Suggesting that you don't ever want to march in the Pride parade is fine; it's something that means different things to different people. But FYI, the "after-parties only" statement makes you come off as massively shallow. It says, "I don't need to expose myself to even the smallest bit of politics or community; I'm here for my free drink ticket and to make fun of the faggy fags who dare call themselves gay." Also, name-dropping every gay scene event outside the Village suggests to me someone who's trying to fit into his own definition (or someone else's?) of what is cool and gay. West end, east end and Village gays are all still gays, my friend. Listening to Madonna, the Spice Girls and Britney in a dive bar in the west end does not make you any more liberated or post-gay than the guys who do the same thing at Buddies. Talk to me about being post-gay when you stop setting foot in queer spaces at all.
"To be a twentysomething gay man in Toronto in 2011 is to be free from persecution and social pressures to conform. It’s also, in most ways, not about being gay at all. And herein lies the central question for the post-mo: Is there even a gay struggle to be had anymore?"
"I left high school, like most Toronto-born gays I know, unscathed. There was no hiding, no big reveal, no dating girls for shelter. It was just there."
I don't even know where to start with this. You should tell this to the Halton GSA kids, the families and friends of the queer 20-somethings who have recently committed sucide or Chris Skinner's parents and see if you can keep a straight or straight-acting face while you do it.
"The Church Wellesley Village has all but lost its rainbow colours and is now a shell of its former self. The steps at Second Cup don’t exist for me anymore, and finding a queer dance party—like, with real dancing—is a headache at best."
It's odd that you think the Village is so dead while you discuss how The 519 and the Steps were a part of your formative gay years. While it is true that most youth eventually grow out of youth groups, I can only wonder how else you would have been able to socialize with gay youth your own age, outside of hookups. I guess you can talk to them over the internet, but that itself is pretty alienating and lonely. I'm curious as to why you think the Village is a shell of its former self, too. I miss the steps and Zelda's as much as anyone, but most of the heavy-hitter venues are still around, and there are new nights and events popping up all the time. FYI, many of them are organized by people more typically associated with the other queer parts of the city you cherish, and many of the events outside the Village you discuss are organized by people who got their start in, and continue to promote events in, the Village.
"And when the gays do converge at Church and Wells now for Pride, it’s only to show how hard they worked on their bodies at the gym, not about any sort of political statement. How many “Lose 10 pounds by Pride” features do we need to read?"
Somebody reads fab... how super gay of you. Taking care of your body is totally gay, and straight men don't go to the gym at all. Also, while the idea of getting fit for Pride is a cliché, replace "Pride" with "summer" and you'll find feature articles extolling the same thing in every men's magazine out there. Being healthy is pretty gay, though, and should be avoided at all cost. As someone who is involved in the many political things that still happen over Pride, I can tell you that the numbers involved in the political aspects aren't as big as those who attend the parties, but I don't see you there. Pride is what you make of it, and a public gathering of queer people will always be political when you're part of a (basically) invisible minority.
"I have regular HIV tests, because I’m aware of the importance of sexual health, but I’ve still managed to forget the condom once or twice without freaking out."
This statement makes me really, really sad for you. Many good friends who are my age have become HIV-positive after "forgetting" just once to use a condom during sex. I'm glad you don't "freak out" about putting your health at risk, and I'm glad you have no problem admitting publicly that you don't really give a shit about your own sexual health or that of your partners. HIV is still an issue for people of our generation, and suggesting it isn't is just stupid. I'm pretty shocked; it's really irresponsible to make a statement like this in a major publication. People like you add to a sea of misinfomation that leads young gay men to make the wrong choices about their sexual health, and I'm disgusted.
"I’m not fighting the good fight. It was never mine to fight. So what about us? Call us what you want—post-mos, faux gays, straight-acting, bitter queens—we’re the lucky ones."
Speak for your fucking self. I don't know a single person who would think your sad contradictions, life of privilege and desperation to identify yourself as something other than what you are qualifies you as lucky.
I could go on and on, but I've got to go grab lunch in the Village. How un-hip of me.
Here are some choice quotes from the article and my thoughts on how misinformed, misguided and dangerous this article is:
"... a new generation of twentysomething urban gays—my generation—has the freedom to live exactly the way we want. We have our university degrees, homes and careers. In Toronto, we’ve abandoned the Church Wellesley Village. We’re tattooed and pierced and at the helm of billion-dollar industries like fashion and television. We vacation with our boyfriends in fabulously rustic country homes that belong to our parents, who don’t mind us coming to stay as a couple. Hell, we even marry our boyfriends, if we choose to, on rooftops overlooking Queen West."
Considering how busy places like Buddies, Woody's, fly and O'Grady's are on any warm summer night, the generalization about the abandoned Village is totally untrue. And gay men have a long tradition of getting pierced and tattooed; this is not a new trend. Many of tattoo culture's figureheads and pioneers were gay, and the rough trade/clone look that hipsters seem to have co-opted is not their own creation. It's specifically and explicitly gay.
Also, there are massive class issues in the above statement. I'm so glad you can go cottaging with your parents. I know some homeless gay youth you should invite along next time, who might enjoy a family trip where they don't get the shit beat out of them.
"Post-mos don’t hang rainbow flags in their windows or plaster them on their bumpers. We don’t march in Pride and we probably never will. (After-parties only, please.) We don’t torture ourselves to fit in with other gays."
Awesome: you don't like rainbows. Wow, revelatory. Suggesting that you don't ever want to march in the Pride parade is fine; it's something that means different things to different people. But FYI, the "after-parties only" statement makes you come off as massively shallow. It says, "I don't need to expose myself to even the smallest bit of politics or community; I'm here for my free drink ticket and to make fun of the faggy fags who dare call themselves gay." Also, name-dropping every gay scene event outside the Village suggests to me someone who's trying to fit into his own definition (or someone else's?) of what is cool and gay. West end, east end and Village gays are all still gays, my friend. Listening to Madonna, the Spice Girls and Britney in a dive bar in the west end does not make you any more liberated or post-gay than the guys who do the same thing at Buddies. Talk to me about being post-gay when you stop setting foot in queer spaces at all.
"To be a twentysomething gay man in Toronto in 2011 is to be free from persecution and social pressures to conform. It’s also, in most ways, not about being gay at all. And herein lies the central question for the post-mo: Is there even a gay struggle to be had anymore?"
"I left high school, like most Toronto-born gays I know, unscathed. There was no hiding, no big reveal, no dating girls for shelter. It was just there."
I don't even know where to start with this. You should tell this to the Halton GSA kids, the families and friends of the queer 20-somethings who have recently committed sucide or Chris Skinner's parents and see if you can keep a straight or straight-acting face while you do it.
"The Church Wellesley Village has all but lost its rainbow colours and is now a shell of its former self. The steps at Second Cup don’t exist for me anymore, and finding a queer dance party—like, with real dancing—is a headache at best."
It's odd that you think the Village is so dead while you discuss how The 519 and the Steps were a part of your formative gay years. While it is true that most youth eventually grow out of youth groups, I can only wonder how else you would have been able to socialize with gay youth your own age, outside of hookups. I guess you can talk to them over the internet, but that itself is pretty alienating and lonely. I'm curious as to why you think the Village is a shell of its former self, too. I miss the steps and Zelda's as much as anyone, but most of the heavy-hitter venues are still around, and there are new nights and events popping up all the time. FYI, many of them are organized by people more typically associated with the other queer parts of the city you cherish, and many of the events outside the Village you discuss are organized by people who got their start in, and continue to promote events in, the Village.
"And when the gays do converge at Church and Wells now for Pride, it’s only to show how hard they worked on their bodies at the gym, not about any sort of political statement. How many “Lose 10 pounds by Pride” features do we need to read?"
Somebody reads fab... how super gay of you. Taking care of your body is totally gay, and straight men don't go to the gym at all. Also, while the idea of getting fit for Pride is a cliché, replace "Pride" with "summer" and you'll find feature articles extolling the same thing in every men's magazine out there. Being healthy is pretty gay, though, and should be avoided at all cost. As someone who is involved in the many political things that still happen over Pride, I can tell you that the numbers involved in the political aspects aren't as big as those who attend the parties, but I don't see you there. Pride is what you make of it, and a public gathering of queer people will always be political when you're part of a (basically) invisible minority.
"I have regular HIV tests, because I’m aware of the importance of sexual health, but I’ve still managed to forget the condom once or twice without freaking out."
This statement makes me really, really sad for you. Many good friends who are my age have become HIV-positive after "forgetting" just once to use a condom during sex. I'm glad you don't "freak out" about putting your health at risk, and I'm glad you have no problem admitting publicly that you don't really give a shit about your own sexual health or that of your partners. HIV is still an issue for people of our generation, and suggesting it isn't is just stupid. I'm pretty shocked; it's really irresponsible to make a statement like this in a major publication. People like you add to a sea of misinfomation that leads young gay men to make the wrong choices about their sexual health, and I'm disgusted.
"I’m not fighting the good fight. It was never mine to fight. So what about us? Call us what you want—post-mos, faux gays, straight-acting, bitter queens—we’re the lucky ones."
Speak for your fucking self. I don't know a single person who would think your sad contradictions, life of privilege and desperation to identify yourself as something other than what you are qualifies you as lucky.
I could go on and on, but I've got to go grab lunch in the Village. How un-hip of me.
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pass this on.... FUCKH8
To my friends and familia in Toronto and around the world,
Last night I had a lovely night out dancing with a few friends at Fly Nightclub (Toronto's shittier version of Love Machine for my homelanders)... I had called it an early night cause this old cat was a little tired after a day of drinking on a patio... I woke up the next day to find out that later that evening after I left, 2 of the friends I was with were 'Gaybashed', in the middle of Yonge Street (our St Kilda Road), very close to our 'gay friendly neighbourhood'. One friend almost had his bag stolen, while my other buddy got hit in the head with a glass bottle, all while being called 'faggots'. Luckily no major injuries occurred and my friends are all safe, but there is an emotional scar left within and this is why I'm raising my voice, in their honour, and for others around the world who suffer or have suffered from ignorance and intolerance. Despite Ellen's huge daytime TV success, Adam Lambert's breakthrough, Melissa Etheridge's Grammy wins and Freddie Mercury's legacy, we unfortunately still live in a world where people hate and discriminate. What happened to my friends is beyond in-excusable and is down right disgusting... I'm reaching out to all of you to show love and support to not only my friends, but anyone around the world who is fearful to be themselves and live life as freely as anyone else of any race, colour or gender. No matter who you are or where you come from, as human beings we share one major thing in common... love. We all share this unique emotion that can be spread far and wide and with so many levels and meanings that it SHOULD NEVER MATTER who the love is for. Please share this note with anyone and everyone and let's show support not only in this situation, but to the many unfortunate situations like this around the world. Stand tall, be proud, have a voice, and love who ever the fuck you want to love!!
(...but where are the LADIES,,,,,,,,,,,,,AGAIN!?)
1. I like how Paul attributes his 'tell me to my face' stance and coming out of high school 'unscathed' to feminist icons like Spice Girls and Buffy. Please! How about the those who have come out before and confronted the narrow minded parts of society back in the day so Paul could 'float through'.
2. Perhaps it was an editorial mistake when he wrote: Forty years after the Manifesto and the infamous Stonewall Riots...my generation has the freedom, and he intended to write: Forty years after and BECAUSE OF the Manifesto...
He may not identify with the 'old' gay venues anymore but clearly he has found his own venues. Basically, I think Paul is being ungrateful. It's not Paul's fight to fight anymore cos it was fought for him, and continues to be fought by [thank goodness] a minority - but that doesn't mean it's a fight that doesn't exist or worth acknowledging. He can find his own village venues because of those who established the Village in the first place. It's easy for him because it was made easy for him. FYI to Paul, the Village, while a shell, is still a 'haven' for those who may not have the same background/experience as him and are less fortunate. Furthermore, there are elderly gay men who only feel comfortable in the Village but they don't fall into the obvious 'effeminate caricatures of homosexuality' [from original article], it's a place of friendly identification and feeling of acceptance.
Sure, Paul doesn't have to hang out at the Steps or Buddies, but he doesn't have to be so ignorant to think that there are other gays out there that are blessed with such arrogance to think they don't need it. And Toronto is such a multicultural city, what about the gays who immigrate and want a community where they can meet people? In his diatribe to show how different he is from the rest of the pack, he ignores the benefits the Village and its history has and continues to have to many gays, be them local, old, young, hipster, foreign.
I suggest he saves up his pennies for his cottage and wedding and buys some self-perspective.
Congrats. Your understanding of what "gay is" is about as insightful as a drunken straight bigot's in rural Alabama.
You love being a self-proclaimed disenfranchised gay. It's how you feel secure in yourself - secure in your insecurity.
You're like those girls in highschool who always complained about how lame everything was yet never joined the organizing committees that put things together. You're SO different. You're SUCH outsiders.
No. You're not. You're the lamest stereotype of all "The Gay Dude Who Cluelessly Talks About How Not A Stereotype He Is"
how's this for some advice: do some fucking volunteer work. become and Advocate for Equality and change.
if you think "it's not hard to be gay anymore" then you're a privileged little asswipe who needs to step out of his vanilla cocoon.
We get it. You're cowards. Doesn't make you unique, nor rebellious, nor noble.
Know your fucking gay history. You little wimps owe your gay asses to Drag Queens.
But I know where you're coming from - your sense of self-worth comes only from a desperate idea that "you're gay, but not like those stereotypical gays..."
That's how you've been "accepted", well...not actually accepted. Tolerated. Not for being who you are, but for making a point to talk about what you're not.
It's not the fault of Drag Queens that your fathers are ashamed of you.
I support all of Linvingston’s article other than the blab about safe sex practices. I feel completely disenfranchised by the “the village” and feel that it really supports negative connotations other than that of support and community. Not only are fellow gays cold and judgmental, I feel they are poorly stereotyping other gays to a wider audience furthermore making us all look bad.
I think one of the most power aspects of the article that Linvinston wrote is the new evolution of equality where I don’t need to belong to the village in order to just be who I am. I prefer people to know me as Jake the man instead of Jake the gay man and what I think he is really referring to is that society as a whole does not look down upon gays in a way that they need to have collected efforts just to survive. I have a group of friends straight and gay that are like family to me and in most cases I will have my straight male friends helping me scope out prospective men. Our culture has grown to another level where it’s not longer “different” to be gay.
But one of the biggest turn offs of the village are drag queens. I myself do not connect with the message that they are trying to communicate, which I am not really sure what that is. I mean to say that I send them all strength to do what they love. But there have been countless times where I have joined village regulars, including well know individuals (even FAB employees) who have referred to the drag shows at Crews and Tangos as the freak show. I don’t know about other people reading this but that doesn’t really strike me as supportive or constructive.
But one of the biggest turn offs of the village are drag queens. I myself do not connect with the message that they are trying to communicate, which I am not really sure what that is. I mean to say that I send them all strength to do what they love. But there have been countless times where I have joined village regulars, including well know individuals (even FAB employees) who have referred to the drag shows at Crews and Tangos as the freak show. I don’t know about other people reading this but that doesn’t really strike me as supportive or constructive.
But one of the biggest turn offs of the village are drag queens. I myself do not connect with the message that they are trying to communicate, which I am not really sure what that is. I mean to say that I send them all strength to do what they love. But there have been countless times where I have joined village regulars, including well know individuals (even FAB employees) who have referred to the drag shows at Crews and Tangos as the freak show. I don’t know about other people reading this but that doesn’t really strike me as supportive or constructive.
Please think twice before you judge someone dressed up for someone elses entertainment,9 times out of 10 that is a gay man that is doing the best that they can do on a tight budget.One day that gay man may open up his heart to help you or one of your friends when the rest of the world closes the door on you.