Embarrassing -
You want some straight guy to rape your ass so you can be his bitch. That’s love for you,” I said recently to a bona fide limp wrister who was yakking about his search for “real” men.
“Yes! Oh God, yes, that is exactly what I want,” he replied with the enthusiasm of a crack addict offered a free rock.

In the last few weeks (blame it on spring, I guess), I have been hearing too many queens whining about their search for a guy who is not in the “scene.” These conversations always take place in the “scene” and never at a place like, say, Hooters. These faggy folks are on a mission to find a straight frog who will become their prince. Never mind the self-loathing psychobabble – this fairytale quest is becoming downright embarrassing. Longing for love with a member of the inferior sexual orientation is a social step down. What will the respectable queer neighbours think?

Straight guys are great for performing in porn, stripping for us, giving sexual satisfaction and doing repairs (only if you can’t find a lesbian!) around the house. They are not suitable to be our equal partners in love. The ideal union is between two queers. Gay boys and tranny bois are a superior marriage of two royal houses. Straight men aren’t even on the list and even straight-acting homosexuals are a lower caste. (And I do mean acting, since there are homos who were simply born that way).

We need to learn to love and cherish our own people and our own culture. There was a time when queers danced to music that people wanted to beat us for celebrating. Now we dance to music about beating up fags. This is progress?

Straight qualities are sadly seeping into queer culture. Tell a fellow gay guy you like him and he will likely be turned off. Tell him you love him and you may lose him. Treat him like shit and he’ll make you his prince. When you tell him you love him, the fantasy of the straight boy turns his prince into a fag. And what insecure fag would want to date another fag?

Too many homos are treated like garbage by their boyfriends and pathetically put up with it. Real queers know they have found their true soulmate when they can tell one another that they love each other and their currency actually goes up in each other’s eyes.

There are a lot of self-declared homos (anyone can do it these days – it’s not like you have to take a test) and many of them are not men who love other men. Many would be better off in emotional relationships with women and simply getting banged on the side by some stud. Letting go of the fantasy would make life easier: we wouldn’t have to listen to queers go on about the quest for their “non-scene” knight.

It also wouldn’t be so embarrassing.

Mitchel Raphael
Editor-in-chief