Hot Nuts Halloqween
For HotNuts Halloqween Party I dress as Sean Jones the whiney Spence Diamonds radio announcer. I figure he’d fit in really, really, really well with the crowd tonight. It is this decade's Vasaleene. Entering The Garrison I pet a big horned jewnicorn, hit on a human piñata, squeeze co-host Produzentin who floats by as a cloud from the movie Cloud Atlas and squeal with delightful disgust at tonight’s most disturbing costume which belongs to two guys; one dressed as a baby in a dirty bloody diaper, the other as his bloodied shit covered pedophile daddy. Jenna Syde’s genderfucking performance has her naked, tucked and unshaven. VerySilence Of The Lambs. Keith Cole wearing his most trailer-park-perfect ensemble lip-synchs Whitney Houston against a video of some unknown man bathing. But its Mary Messhausen who sings a twisted version of the Culture Club Classic Karma Chameleon live who shocks by revealing a dildo beneath her purple dress which she squeezes releasing some mysterious milky white substance into the unsuspecting audience. She’s smart that one. It’s all about the element of surprise.
The Queen Of Halloween Pageant
For The Queen Of Halloween Pageant at Woody’s I dress as Rupaul, out of drag. I figure he’d fit in perfectly for tonight’s cutthroat competition. Eight queens, three judges, one crown. Sponsored by Peroni beer. Things might get messy. It’s a Wednesday and the bar is packed. I’m forced to watch the activities from another room by television. It’s not the ideal situation but it works. The contest brings out some big name queens who have branded themselves over the years like caricature commodities of the gay community. There’s Donnarama "The Prop Queen" whose musical mix tonight includes snippets of the movie Exorcist and has her and her homemade bed flying and flipping across the stage. There’s Devine Darlin’ “The Gymnast Queen” whose high energy number, even in 6 inch heals and a two foot weave made to look like a lion, leaves me out of breath. When she jumps off the stage and lands in a full split on the floor the crowd explodes . . . and cup my balls. Lena Over “The Messy Queen” enters appropriately covered in fake blood ala Carrie. When she enlists someone to throw tampons at her while she performs her act is taken to a whole other hilarious level. Then there is Brooklyn Heights, a fairly new queen who I’ve dubbed “The Britney Queen “ because of her good looks, dance moves and long blonde hair. With her obvious Sofonda-esque choreography and back-up dancers her performance is head and shoulders above the rest. It’s obvious who has trained her. She wins. Hands down. She’s smart that one. It’s all about learning from the best.
Fuck You Friday
For Bryen Dunn’s Fuck You Friday I dress as Richard Simmons because I’m a virgin to this night, even though its been going on for more than a year. Xtra! Magazine’s Anna Pornikova who too has wanted to attend this monthly party for ages by strange coincidence also shows up. We enter together as virgin fuckers. Though it s not as well attended as I would have expected the guys that are here are for the most part hyper-cute. Sometimes it’s the quality that matters, not the quantity. The shows though are truly stellar. Iggby Lizard dressed perfectly as Audrey performs a number from Little Shop of Horrors complete with realistic Audrey II the alien Venus Fly Trap, which emerges from between her legs. I wonder if that’s how the clap started? Who can say? Ecstasy Love emerges from the second floor and down the stairs with huge elasticized bands tied to her wrists for her performance. It’s like an Olympic rave gymnast routine. Ten points. Even from the French judge! Jenna Syde meanwhile stumbles out on stage in a Hannibal Leture mask, black and white robe and straight jacket, She slowly sheds all to reveal his naked tucked self for all to see and gawk at, This seriously takes a lot of balls or a lot of tequila or both. She’s smart that one. Duct tape is so messy.
AX Halloween Party
For the AX Halloween Party I dress as Bonnie Brooks, president of The Bay. I figure her annoying radio voice would stand out in this crowd as we all sing along to Gangnam Style. I know its going to be a good night when someone is being dragged out of the Courthouse drunk by security as I arrive as party organizer host John Wotta, dressed as a “scare-pimp”, smiles gingerly. The dance floor is packed and two tasty underwear clad go-go guys are grinding stripper poles as DJ Alex overseas the room. Competing for the costume contest top prize of $300 are some creative homemade creations like The Corpse Bride and a few poorly put together outfits like a slutty Mickey Mouse. Mr. Tumnus from The Lion Witch and The Wardrobe wins by an umbrella. Sofonda then proceeds to perform a number that interestingly is the exact same song and choreography that won Brooklyn Heights the Queen Of Halloween Contest at Woody’s just a few days before. She’s smart that one. It’s all about franchising.