Doomsday theorists would have us believe that the world is coming to an end because of the many disasters that have taken place in the last few months. I believe otherwise. Earthquakes in Pakistan could not stop the music from shaking the bodies at System Soundbar.“In ’94, I did my first mix at my boyfriend’s, due to an argument about his technique. He missed a mix. He took it bad and told me to do it myself. I succeeded on my first try.” It’s this ballsy attitude that has taken French DJ/vocalist Miss Kittin above and beyond that boyfriend. Sporting a baseball cap reading, “Fuck You, You Fuckin’ Fuck,” Miss K went on to screw with the System crowd till the wee hours of the morning. Out to hear her set were Toronto’s DJ Jelo and New York-inspired club kid Pac-Mondrian, decked freaking out in giant plastic Mickey Mouse hands. Miss Kittin’s set at first seemed angry and standoffish, but then she loosened up, singing over some of her tracks and dancing like a pussy on just enough Special K. • Hurricanes in New Orleans and Cancun perhaps were meant to inspire designers at this year’s L’Oreal Fashion Week to produce more wash-and-wear. Turning heads on opening night, held at the hip Muzik Building, were stylish duo Christopher Estridge and Bryan Van Dusen of design house Ghetto Panda, Jie Matar, Bobby Matar and Gairy Brown (who helped produce the sparsely attended though overwhelmingly successful JIE Hair show). Elmer Olsen, who watched the models strut from his front-row seat, was clearly not impressed by one model who leaned so much to the left as she walked that everyone thought she was going to fall over. Was she drunk? Stoned? Remember last year’s model, who limped down the runway doing the “Broken-Ankle Clomp”? This year’s style seemed to be “Messy Sashay.” • Bombings in London made the recent Northbound Leather fashion show, Climax, even moren relevant. Chief designer Marty Rotman proved that any scene can be made sexy – even the sick and injured. In the wild finale, models limped out on crutches wearing tan leather leg, arm, neck and body braces. The crazed hospital inmates overpowered
nurses and doctors; police officers with syringes broke in to subdue the scene; and a screeching, fully bound psychopath
– who turned out to be Rotman – was led out to terrorize the traditionally gay and straight audience (including Mrs. Angie Casselman, seen lusting over Lena Love) sporting untraditional wardrobes. • An E. coli water scare on a northern Ontario aboriginal reserve signals that fly Nightclub’s bottledwater sales will increase dramatically. Perhaps because of the suggested $11 donation ($4500 was raised and divided between Buddies in Bad Times Theatre and the Youth Line), fab’s 11-Year Anniversary Party at fly, which was even more outrageous than last year’s 10th anniversary, was not as well attended, with 600 people. The highlight of the night, again, was the massive drag show. Eleven drag queens performed in 11 minutes, including Miss Conception as a preggo Britney Spears, Donnarama as Madonna (who proceeded to pull a mouse, anal beads and a black baby from Brit’s ass) and Chris Edwards, who exposed her breasts (and man-belly) for all to see. • Long live fab. Long live the party. Long live this blue planet we call home.

• rolyn chambers