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Paul Bellini
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Bellini gets a peek into the future
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Crystal balls

A futuristic glimpse into the Village, the prime minister and Bellini’s hot Californian love affair


What does the future hold? Lots of people want to know. That’s why we have psychics, and there are lots to choose from. Like Miki, who writes the Ask Miki column for Sun Media.

“I’ve been in the business for 39 years,” she says. She’s worked in various media, including the Q107 morning show, Gay Guide Toronto and TV’s Tales from the Darkside. “I have groupies,” she tells me. And she claims to be “the only syndicated columnist to answer gay, lesbian, bi and transgender questions.” Now she is about to release a book, Ask Miki: Enchanted Collections. If you buy it directly from her, three dollars from every sale will go to leukemia research. I suggest we celebrate its release with a look into my future.

Miki asks me to choose the tarot card that I most like and the one I least like. I least like the Tower, a cluttered, threatening image showing the sky in turmoil, an off-kilter crown and a claw-like tree. “This is about personal struggles, lack of balance, anarchy, disorganization, and you had a lot of this in the past,” she says, but that isn’t really true. I mostly dislike it because it looks like a crappy King Crimson album cover from the ’70s. Then I choose the card that most appeals to me, the Hanged Man. “You like this one because it is the beginning of new stuff. You are relaxing and pondering; new growth is around you, so this is good.”

“But he’s hanging,” I reply.

“It’s not an execution,” she says. “He is in a position of meditation. This is all about growth.” What a relief. I just chose the card because I thought the guy was cute. I wonder what other advice she can offer me.

“You need to diversify in your career and watch out for arthritis, because your knees are going to wear out.” Spare me the innuendo, dear reader.

Then it is off to Psychic Brunch at The Flying Beaver, held every Sunday and going strong. It was started back in 2003 by Ralph Hamelmann. “I wanted to do readings, but I didn’t want people going up a scary staircase to sit in some lady’s kitchen. I wanted a more social, less awkward vibe, and brunch is the perfect thing.”

I ask Ralph about the future of my Fab column, and he asks me to draw three cards. Scrutinizing them, he says, “It will end in eight years’ time.”

“Eight years? Where did you get that number?”

He indicates the card that I drew. “There are eight gold cups. Oh, it could also mean eight months,” he qualifies. Yikes! Then I turn to greater matters, like the future of the Church Wellesley Village. “There will always be a queer flavour to the area, but I think the bars will slowly leave, so it won’t be a party place anymore.”

Then I ask Ralph about Justin Trudeau. He pulls the Star card, the Nine of Pentacles and the King of Pentacles. His face lights up. “I’m going to make a prediction here,” he says confidently. “The Nine is about doing things on your own terms, the Star is about a wish coming true, and, well, I’m going to go all out and say that he will eventually become the prime minister of Canada.”

Then Ralph goes out for a smoke and one of the other psychics, Charlene, pulls me aside. “I’ve been trying to tell you something since I saw you walk in. Do you have an opportunity in California? I get this really strong vision of a classic-looking blond gold-digger, a promoter or something. It’s coming.” Well, later that afternoon I get a call from a blond friend in Los Angeles. Did Charlene predict the phone call, or is something even greater just around the corner? Only time and tarot will tell.

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